Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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