So drunk its hurt
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize