someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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