She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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