I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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