Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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