Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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