yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize