i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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