8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
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He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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