She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
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One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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