Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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