3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize