I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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