Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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