when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
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I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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