just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
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I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
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Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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