No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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