shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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