i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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