you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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