i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
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We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
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I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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