On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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