oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
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ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
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How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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