Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize