Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
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They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
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im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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