Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
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but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
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It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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