i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize