dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
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Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
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Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
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