Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
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So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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