Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize