i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
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It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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