Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uberlube is also flammable
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize