opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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