Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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