Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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