thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize