I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize