dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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