I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize