please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
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They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
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A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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