gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
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he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
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I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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