so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
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I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
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He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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