there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize