that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize