he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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