I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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