The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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