You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize