Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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